Love is a funny thing! I expect you to always say the right thing at the right time and place. I expect you to always know precisely how you feel or react to it. I expect it to be a world or laughs and rose and at least easy. I just expect you to calm me down when I’m yelling and not chase me when I want to walk away.
But I don’t know if I ever feel defeated when something does not exactly match up with all my plans. But that is exactly the thing! Love isn’t supposed to be a plan. It does not have a certain beginning and it thus has no end or visible line to those deeply in it.
Love just happens. Sometimes, incredibly messy that people who are around do not comprehend what we do or why we fight so hard for something that doesn’t seem to make sense at least to them. But it does to us. Love is a funny thing! You love and people do not know why you have to bleed looking for the happiness of your lover.
When you love, people juts see the insanity which surround you but you see the future with near precision. Love is painful and inconvenient at times but we cannot live without it. We never go to school or college to learn how to love. We are never taught how much we have to invest in it.
But as idiots, we learn how it works, how hard it is and its worth. My childhood has taught me love is not calming me down when I yell. My mother would actually yell back at me when I cried. If I wanted to walk away because I made a mistake, she actually chased me. But it is about telling me loud, looking deep into my eyes that I need to wake up and be grounded.
And love is not about just the roses but doing the little things which make our love appear more presentable and genuine. It is just about showing up the next morning after a fight that drains our bones and life out of us. It is about bringing joy to each other eve when we make each other cry. Even when we make it a habit to make each other cry just to brighten our future, that is ok. If only that makes us hold each hands so that we do not slip away.
Love is not just saying all the right things and knowing exactly how to handle them. It is assuring each other that even in the mess, we will rise up. It is about admitting that we are scared about life but we will go through it together: involved, both of us.
Love is knowingly putting your life into the hands of another individual’s hand and saying, “Here, do what you will. Smash, crash, or mold it” But as you do this, you forget you ever handed it to them. That is love, I give it to you.
But love makes reality invisible. It erases all the lines which we would never cross. It is just because love is not about fencing our self in; feeling secure, safe and sure about the future. It is about getting scared of the shit. Love is about having the nerves to push forward when everybody is not moving.
After all, the tears, fighting, and uncertainty is worth the love. It is a lot better than being without to show you that there is a world of difference between “feeling whole” and “feeling happy”. That makes the difference for us. It keeps us compelling us to keep on even when good days aren’t there.